I Don't Know What The F@ck I'm Doing

In case you hadn’t realized by now, I don’t know what the f@ck I’m doing. While this is a catchy, tongue-in-cheek title for a blog, it is also an all-too-accurate representation of my life.  A lesser man would likely whine, moan, or otherwise avoid taking action to resolve this predicament he has found himself in. But not I! I’ve made the daunting decision to embark on a journey of self-discovery through the written word. Join me as I, like many great scholars and philosophers before me, attempt to unravel the mysteries of my own life. Welcome to Episode 4 of I Don’t Know What The F@ck I’m Doing: “Here’s What The F@ck I’m Doing.” (Sidebar: I’m not sure how long I will make my weekly posts “episodes” like this, but I’m enjoying it so far and helps me feel a sense of progress. Four episodes already? I really am kicking ass! Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.)

I turned 25 a few weeks ago, and things have been a whirlwind of emotion and anxiety since then. I guess you could say I am having a quarter-life crisis – I know, lame. I think this has been an overall good thing though! Honestly, it caused me to engage in some nice introspection. This introspection caused some feelings of discomfort that turned into rebellion against the discomfort which finally produced ~Growth~! (The squiggles are just there for fun). For the sake of organization, we can divide this growth into three sections – even though I believe the sections relate and should support each other for a more holistic sense of well-being.

The first section I would like to touch on is physical well-being, which, from this point on, will be referred to as ‘gains’ because it amuses me and keeps things lighthearted. The first aspect of gains that I’ve been focusing on (admittedly for longer than a couple of weeks) is weightlifting. I won’t dive too deep here because this is likely common knowledge – lifting provides essential health benefits like improving strength and muscle mass, increasing metabolism, and triggering dopamine boosts when you hulk out in the mirror! The next, more recent, development on my gains journey has been taking up boxing. I honestly am unsure of where the idea came from (probably just wanting to hit stuff in a socially acceptable manner?) but I’m glad I pursued it. Besides improving my overall physical fitness, my boxing coach has fueled the fire for my third and final quarter-life crisis physical gain. I AM KICKING THE NIC!!! After my first training session, my coach asked me to time myself running two miles and report back. By sheer willpower alone, I managed what I would call a respectable 16 minutes and 23 seconds. I was really feeling the past 6+ years of tobacco/nicotine use and became determined to do something about it. As of writing this, I have been vape-free for over a week! The withdrawals were hellish to deal with, but I am starting to feel the benefits to my lung (and wallet) health. Now I need to keep at it – one day at a time. That wraps up the gains category. I know, I know. I should be doing more, like taking vitamins or meditating or some shit, but I’ll get there, okay? Baby steps.

Moving right along into the next area of self-improvement I am exploring – ‘brains’ or mental acuity. We will stick with ‘brains’ due to our previously mentioned reasons. I have been focusing on improving brains by employing two main strategies: reading and writing. These are two of the most foundational skills available to the educated human, yet it’s surprising how many of us attain an elementary level of skill and stop any further investment. This is a result of a misplaced sense of satisfaction in having reached the level of our peers. Personally, I find it disheartening to be in an environment where progress is halted in the name of uniformity. I read the likes of King, Tolkien, or Gaiman and realize that my skill with language pales in comparison to greats such as these. And I am jealous! The ability to clearly communicate your thoughts and ideas can make all the difference in your life, from your career to your personal relationships. Reading plays into this idea with a dynamic not unsimilar to that of a football star watching film to learn. How does one become great? Do as the greats do. It is my hope that consistently practicing these skills will lead me to a place where I am comfortable conversing in a thoughtful manner with anyone – regardless of intellectual prowess.

I’ve been contemplating how to approach this final section for a couple of days. Part of the challenge lies in finding a catchy name that rhymes with my other sections, but the main difficulty lies in quantifying professional progress (what this section is about) aside from ‘got more experience’. Nevertheless, the main way I am looking to improve professionally is by building my network in a way that aligns with my career and life goals. This involves reaching out to professionals I admire, even if we don't have any mutual connections. If you have value to offer – shoot your shot! You might be familiar with a quote by the late entrepreneur and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” While this may not be strictly true, it wouldn’t hurt to live like it is! Thinking on this quote caused me to ask whether a similar principle applies to the media we consume. Surely it would – spending hours listening to a podcast about marketing without gaining some additional understanding of the subject would be ridiculous. That shows that the media we consume can at least affect our surface level thoughts and understanding of the world, why not take it a step further and say that it can have a truly formative impact instead of just surface level? Could then the authors of that media be considered a part of your network even though the flow of information is one-way? (Disclaimer: These are the bare bones of an argument, and this should be discussed much more in depth to be taken with even an ounce of seriousness.) Is this my first experience with the nurture side of nurture vs. nature? No. However, this is me saying I will be paying a lot more attention to it. I will tack on a sort of footnote here to mention that along with expanding my network I have also taken a few certification courses to assist in continuing my education. I’ve rather enjoyed them and would recommend the experience to others.

That’s what I’ve got for this week. I understand that this week's post was more personal than the previous ones, and I would greatly appreciate hearing from any readers (yes, that includes you!) out there as a reward for sharing my thoughts. Let me know what the f@ck you are doing to get better! New energy source got you jazzed, (yerba mate anyone)? New book really making you think? I! WANT! TO! KNOW! Hit me up in the comments or on social media! Go!

Much Love.